


What They Don't See

by ehvul_butterfly (summerbutterfly)



Series: The Best of Advent 2011 [5]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Advent Challenge 2011, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, POV First Person, Rough Sex, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-28
Updated: 2011-12-28
Packaged: 2017-10-28 08:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerbutterfly/pseuds/ehvul_butterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hakkai can't control his youkai urges, Gojyo is the one who takes care of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What They Don't See

**Author's Note:**

> For rose_walker22 for the 2011 Advent Challenge. This could also be considered slightly non-graphic dub-con and/or non-graphic sexual violence. Just a heads up if you're not in the mood for something angsty.

Sometimes, on nights like this, I realize they don’t know how much I’ve been protecting them.

It’s past midnight. My room is with the Monkey, but I won’t be sleeping there. I’ve gotten another, way in the back of the inn, and I’ve done that because I know I’m going to need it. Yeah, I’m a slut, but that’s not why. It has nothing to do with women. It’s never had anything to do with women.

It has to do with Hakkai.

See, Sanzo doesn’t know, but Hakkai’s limiters only work to a certain point. And the closer we get to India, the harder it’s been for him to keep his other self in check. He’s not Goku. He’s not something created from the very life force of the earth. He’s a guy, with a sick heart and a troubled past, who needs more than just some fancy jewelry to keep him on our level. Sanzo doesn’t know Hakkai has broken his limiters in the past. Sanzo doesn’t know that the first time it happened, I got on my knees and begged the gods every night to send me someone who could forge replacements. _None_ of them know that that night we met Rikudo was _not_ the first time I’d met the Merciful Goddess.

There was a reason she chose me to kiss, and I promise you, it had nothing to do with blood type.

They think Hakkai’s downstairs. They think I’m bedding the cutie from the kitchen I’d been teasing all evening. Neither is true, but it gives me safe passage through the hallway with a tray of tea, fresh bandages and an extra blanket. The innkeeper’s wife was more than happy to help when I told her my friend was sick and I was the only one who couldn’t contract the virus. In a strange way, the lie was almost true.

I guess there are some perks to being a half-breed when it comes to subduing a full-blooded youkai.

Anyway, when I enter the room, the light is low. I’d turned down the lamp before I’d ventured out because Hakkai becomes very light sensitive in his demon state. He gets really cranky, and he’s already cranky enough, so whatever little things I can do, I do and hope it makes it better. Right now, he’s not fully changed. He’s under the covers shivering, and I can see the beads of sweat on his forehead.

“Gojyo?” he whispers.

“Yeah,” I say. “It’s me.”

I set the tea tray down. The tea is for after. When the battle is said and done. I set the bandages on the little table by the lamp, and I undo my shirt and hang it on the bedpost. I learned after the first few times we tried this that scratches were easier to explain than torn clothing. I mean, there’s only so many ‘sexual wildcats’ I can bed, y’know? At least with scratches, one starts to blend into the next.

When you’re in battle every day, nobody counts your wounds.

Hakkai watches, breathing raspy, as I pull back my hair and climb up on the bed and straddle his hips. I grab his wrists and pin them down and I feel the surge of power run through him. I bow my head. I can never look at his face when he changes. It hurts too much. So I stare at the uneven pattern of the quilt instead, watching his fingers twitch out of the corners of my eyes.

“Go,” I tell him. “I’ve got you.”

And go he does.

It’s fast. Lightning fast. One minute, he’s my best friend, the next it’s a half-crazed youkai lashing out at me with those long, winding vines. I hate the sensation. It’s like tentacles sliding over my skin, and I’d take sharp teeth in my shoulder any day over the way the vines touch me. I love Hakkai, I really do. But I’m going to love him more when half of him is isn’t being controlled by an outside force.

“You smell good,” he whispers.

“I know,” I say.

“But you’re not human.”

“No.”

“I want human flesh.”

“Well, sorry. I’m going to have to do.”

The vines pause in their exploration. One of them is currently down my pants and I flinch as it does something it shouldn’t. Hakkai, or Gonou I guess, notices and a vine lifts my chin, forcing me to look into mismatched eyes.

“Gojyo,” he says.

I bite back what I really want to say and just nod. “Yeah,” I say. “I’m Gojyo.”

It’s very unusual for him to recognize me in this state. Usually, he accepts that I’m the best prey he’s going to get and bites me somewhere until he’s satisfied. It’s weird. Even when he’s totally gone, he doesn’t tear at the flesh. It’s more just a puncture, and some licking. I think the taste of blood takes edge off the craving or something, and I’ve always suspected part of human Hakkai still lingers once the first drops are spilled.

But until now, I didn’t have any actual proof.

The vine under my chin slides to my cheek and strokes it. I look away, even daring to turn my head. Usually, something like that would make him mad, but tonight there is no change.

Instead, a vine slithers down my bare chest. “Gojyo,” he says again.

I start to tremble. “Just do it,” I say roughly. “Bite me and get it over with. It doesn’t hurt and you’re not going to get better until you do.”

“You’re lying.”

Something wraps around my neck and my head is jerked back. I look at his face and I see the regret there. The apology.

For whatever reason, it makes me angry.

“Look, we don’t have all night,” I tell him. “The sooner you bite me, the sooner you change back. And don’t even think of telling me you’re not going to do it. Because if I let you up and you go off and hurt Sanzo or one of those innocent people downstairs, I will kill you. Don’t think I won’t!”

“Sanzo.” He whispers the name, still stroking my cheek. “Have I...have I hurt Sanzo before?”

“No, you’ve never hurt anyone before. I make sure that you don’t. Which is why you need to hurry up and hurt me.”

“I can’t.” The voice is Hakkai’s now. More gravely, but it’s too logical to be the demon Gonou. Too in control.

I stand my ground. “I’m not giving you a choice,” I inform him. “It’s me, or it’s nothing. Got it?”

His hands raise off the bed, clawed fingers wrapping around my wrists. He pulls my arms out from under me, and I fall forward, bringing us chest-to-chest. But instead of biting me as he usually would, he kisses me. Full on, full contact and open mouthed, complete with a little forked tongue slipping past my teeth.

I give up and just go limp.

He’s on me in a moment. Nipping, licking, sucking. His hands and mouth are everywhere and it’s strange, but not foreign and I just let him. If this is what he wants, this is what he can have. It’s just a body. And it’s not like I haven’t been fucked a thousand times before.

Besides, he’s surprisingly gentle.

I even manage to come.

And as soon as he’s come, too, he pulls away.

“How long?” he asks.

I don’t answer. I just rest my head on his chest and stare at the wall.

“How long?” he asks again, and pushes me. “Gojyo, how long have you been doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Keeping me from destroying myself.”

I shrug, not interested in being praised for what is pretty much an act of selfishness and not heroism. “Since we left Chang’an. More frequently since we crossed into India.”

“Why?”

I snort and throw an arm over my face. “If you don’t know, I’m not telling you.”

There is a long, long silence. Hakkai sighs. “You should get under the covers,” he says. “This room is freezing and you’ll catch your death of cold.”

“’M not getting in. If you’re done with me, I need to get back. You can stay here as long as you’d like.”

“Why do you need to get back?”

I peek out from under the crook of my arm. Hakkai is still a demon, but underneath the shaggy hair, pointed ears and strange tattoos, I can see my best friend. Why that hurts, I have no idea, but it hurts like hell. “Because,” I say. I really don’t have a better reason.

Hakkai’s long fingers tangle in my hair. I feel them stroking. I pull my hair back because he likes yank on it when he’s biting, so it’s weird to have the claws out and Hakkai petting me like a kitten.

More things to make me feel awkward.

I try not to like it.

“If you feel you need to go, then go,” he says. “I guess that’s all right.”

“Good,” I say, “Because I need to.”

“But as pretty as that waitress is, Gojyo, she won’t satisfy you like I did.”

I pause, halfway into the act of sitting up. “It’s not like that,” I tell him. “It’s not...I’m not going to get laid.”

“Then you need to get back so you can pacify Goku?”

“No.” I look at him now, determined just this once not to wear my heart on my sleeve. Hakkai can never and will never understand what he means to me, but that’s fine. It’s better that way. Better for both of us. “I’m just tired, ok? I just...I just want to sleep.”

He knows I’m lying. He always knows when I’m lying. Just another freaky service Cho Hakkai offers.

He looks away. “Fine then. Go back to your room. But tomorrow, I think we should talk. And I’ll speak to Sanzo about reshuffling our accommodations.”

“You do that.” I pull on my pants and grab my shirt and drape it loosely over my shoulders. “By the way, there’s tea on the dresser. It’s probably not hot, but it’s fresh. Oolong, just like you like.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” I make it to the door without looking back, and I open it, resisting the urge to pause. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yes. Goodnight, Gojyo.”

I go outside into the hall and close the door behind me.

The light inside the room goes off.

I walk away.


End file.
